I had mine before we were married, but just wondering on the thoughts of people, because I do feel that quite a lot in ireland, still wait unitl they are married..
Hey Mrs Mad Woman,
I had my little girl before we were married. She wasn't planned and was very unexpected as two years before we were told that I wouldn't be able too conceive naturally.
At that time I wouldn't have chosen to be pregnant before we were married. Probably due to the usual 'Irish reasons'!!
However, from the moment we knew we were having a little one all those preconceptions went out the window. I think now that as long as the relationship is a secure one it shouldn't matter whether you are married or not!
I waited 5 years after to have my madam -hee!!.
Seriously thought, yes, we waited wasn't a deliberate decision on our part it just happened that way, we both weren't particularly bothered about having a baby.
My own family won't care less anyway, my DD was the first grandchild born to married parents BUT my DH's parents would have had a fit.
We are talking shotgun wedding type people, two of DH's siblings(brother & sister) got pregnant and both were married before the babies were born. While DH's brother is still married, the sisters marriage was a disaster, she seemingly cried all day on the day she got married and they split up after 2 years. I feel sorry for her as she obviously didn't want to get married but the parents pushed her into it.
My DH told me that the options given to her were get married or get out, she was still living at home -poor thing.
I'm sure they think my lot are total sinners but i couldn't care less, at least my family are supportive.
We made a decision to wait until we got married, but if I had gotten pregnant before that then it wouldn't have made much of a difference really. Happens everywhere these days, most people accept it. And both families would have been fine I reckon, as long as we were both happy with it.
I was caught out badly once when an elderly american aunt asked me about my two married sisters and I stupidly said "oh no, only one of them is married." My mother was throwing me evils from accross the table and I had to backtrack quickly.
We waited until we were married before trying. We did live together for 3 years before we got married but I defo felt the pressure not to have kids until we actually got married. My sister lives away and has two children with her long term partner but my mother pretends to everyone that they are actually married!!
its crazy really isnt it in this day and age.
Wouldn't have made any differnce to me either way just how it worked out that it'll be after not a concious decision.
we're pushing the wedding forward so we're married when the baby is born. not for 'irish reasons' as someone cringingly put it, or because there's anything wrong with not being married and having babies.
It wouldn't bother us if a little suprise came along whether we were married or not, in fact we'd be thrilled! That said, we're not ttc just at the moment...for lots of reasons...but not traditional ones.
We waited till after we were married - for loads of reasons including so called traditional ones. Not knocking anyone else but it is the way I feel. In fact, the biggest reason we actually got married was so we could have children. Wouldn't have felt comfortable having a child outside of wedlock.