Menu

Bridesmaids!!

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

stressedDotCom Posts: 1
Hey Guys, I was wondering if anyone can advise me on what to do. Ive 1 chief bm (sister) and 2 other bm's. Im getting married at christmas and my bridesmaids have literally done nothing!! - 2 of them havent even gone for a dress fitting!! My chief bm liked her dress and after i bought it she threw a tantrum that she shud have a different dress to the other bm's. As for the hen night - im organising that myself!. My chief bm doesnt want to organise it as she doesnt want to take time off work. One of them said its not her job and the 3rd bm is almost uncontactable since june!. Problem is that i feel i can't ask them to not be bridesmaids, I dont want to rock the boat but this is just ridiculous! Any advise?
mscarebear Posts: 317
I am in the same position, but haven't wanted them to do anything only their dresses. I have put no pressure on them to do anything at all for me. The way I looked at it was this was our wedding and we would do it all not adding any pressure to anyone. To be honest what would you want them to do?? I can see your frustration with the dress fittings., as for your Cbm wanting a different dress to the others if this wasn't discussed before hand tell her to take a jump and you want them wearing the same dress. You need to put your foot down and tell them to organise a time for fittings. As for your hen I do think they should organise it, or at least try. They must be close to you, if you've asked them to be bm. Maybe sit down and try to tell them how you feel :)
roco1976 Posts: 287
Hiya, I agree with mrscarebear. You really need to talk to them. I'm lucky that my CBM is reliable and very interested in helping me organise things, although I still have loads of time left. I have two other BM's and one of them is proving to be very distant lately. I think girls can get very jealous of the bride which is sooo bloody stupid but what can you do? I have not needed them to do too much yet thankfully, but time will tell. At the end of the day it's your wedding and you have to tell them how you feel. I am a bit disgusted for you that they wont bother organising your hens. Good friends/BM's would be delighted to do that for you. You of course can un ask them. Tell them if they are not up to the job or more tactfully unable to do it because of their own commitments, that you really have no choice but to ask someone else. Unfortunately you may lose their friendship. But to be honest if they wont even organise a Hen's for you they aren't worthy of your friendship. Also tell your sister that's her dress and that's that. If she throws any more strops tell her to stop being childish It's not fair on you to have to take all that. Do you know what? Get them to watch an episode of Bridezillas! lol That might show them just how reasonable you are being with them. On the other hand you might get a few tips on how to get things done your way. Joking aside, I really hope you work it out. You only get this day once and you deserve to have the best of everyone and everything for that day. Good luck :wv
monkey Posts: 25
I'm in the same situation. My bridemaids haven't done a thing for me, so far i've booked accom, meal, activities, transport for my OWN hen !! The worst part is, i organised both of their hens and they didn't have to lift a finger and everything was done perfect with plenty of surprises for them on the night (extra expense on my behalf) Stupidly i figured I'd get the same treatment in return, but alas no. Even my H2B is helping me sort things out for the hen and wedding :o( He can cheer me right up when i'm feeling down tho, he sent me a pic the last day at work of him wearing a kids tiara on his head with the caption 'Your REAL bridesmaid' :yelrotflmaosmilie:
dancingfeet Posts: 826
You really need to talk to then. I had the two bridesmaids from hell. They did nothing. The were even late to my mothers the morning of the wedding. I didn't say anything to either of them so they thought all was ok. I didn't have a hens & when I tried to organise one on a number of dates they weren't free. I had bought dresses in Debenhans which they didn't like, but wouldn't come to pick out dresses. What really upset me was when both of the previously got married I was always on hand to help.
rooroo02 Posts: 66
OMG stresseddotcom, you sound like you're having a tough time. At the very least they should be organising a hen night for you. If they're not being helpful to you at this stage, then what will they be like in the run up to your big day! I did most of the organising myself because that was how I wanted it but my 3 bms organised hen night, came to all my dress fittings and in the week before the wedding were absolutely brilliant. It's may be too late to change your bms now but could you have a chat to them and explain if they're going to be there with you on the most important day of your life, they could maybe be a bit more supportive. If they weren't willing to put in a bit of effort for the bride to be, they should have said no when they were asked to be your bms and the honour could have went to someone more deserving. Hope it all works out x
1