Interesting article on marriage!

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lux Posts: 6270
Have any wollies waited until after they say I do?
Smileykaz Posts: 7296
I read something like this before, there have been studies done on it before. I think there are a few Wollies who have decided to wait, would be interesting to hear from them. It was never a consideration for us, I'll be really honest we never even spoke about it or discussed waiting. I don't know if that would have made a difference, talking about it, I mean. We may have talked about it and then decided to go ahead and not wait anyway. Or maybe we might have thought about waiting. I don't know. I don't think so though! My - very very skewed and non scientific - view on it is, for me, I felt there was enough pressure on the marriage at the very start anyway, and it was all so new, without adding a brand new sexual relationship into it as well. So we got the sex bit out of the way first and learned what we liked and didn't like! That's only my own view though, I can easily understand someone wanting to wait, absolutely.
stick Posts: 1229
not for us anyways. those 2 couples seem like holy joes to me. of course they are goin to say they are happy they waited-its all they know
zoesmama Posts: 2774
Tbh I found it weird that all of their friends waited too. It wasn't for us. DH and I were v bold :-8 and dtd on the morning after the night we got together. But we had known each other for over 2 years at that point. Anyway we do know a couple that defo waited and it worked for them but we only know the one - most of our friends were living together before marriage but that being said I am just assuming that they were dtd too - we wouldn't be getting into specifics !
islandlil Posts: 1059
it is an interesting piece which i read as soon as I saw it online out of interest but i found it very one sided tbh-I know it was trying to show the 'side' of those who waited, and each to their own and glad it worked for them BUT I found some of their statements quite patronising and a bit annoying as if anyone who doesn't wait is a bit of a whore and doomed to have their marriage not work out and they said their thoughts as 'fact' as opposed to their opinion or experience`! Yeah i do think some people rush into things, become sexually active too young, etc but I certainly wouldn't claim that I'd be superior for doing things differently or that meant they wouldn't respect their partner and maybe would cheat etc -and not saying the article said that, just my own thoughts! Also got bit annoyed though prob shouldn't have at the bit about seeing marriage and having kids as the same thing-it's not in my opinion and many others!!! Plenty get married and choose not to have kids and plenty have kids and don't marry. Anyway the article provoked thought and debate which is a good sign! O:o)
GreenerPastures Posts: 7284
It would never have been for me anyway; waiting dtd til after marriage. I'm not saying it would be as daramtic as Jekyl and Hyde but it could be a shock in some cases if the guy wanted a saint in the kitchen and a wh*re in the bedroom. A former friend of my mine was, for want of a better word - repressed. She was very black and white about sex. Her reaction when I said I wasn't virgin (at 19) was shock and denial. She kept thinking I was being funny or trying to trick her and kept saying "Ah you're not like that". Eh? like what exactly? Like I should be wearing the scarlett letter or something :o0 Anyway, she had the same reaction when she found out me and DH were sexually active whilst dating. She said and I quote "Ah no! But I thought he was a nice guy". Again implying it's only sleaze balls who have sex without putting a ring on the finger 1st. I think sex within a relationship is great and it's great to find out if your compatible 1st rather than realising you aren't and one or both of you feeling like a failure. No one should have to change who they are sexually, be it a once a week person or once a day or whatever but it's important to not have any hang ups about it. It would be a real shock to the system if you one extreme to the other. My long winded point is, it's the reasons people wait that concern me at times. If they have an unheathy or unrealistic view of sex.
macattack Posts: 1617
To be honest when I was a bit younger (17 or so) I always thought I'd wait. Not for any particular moral reason & more because I was scared of sex. I used to be really shy but got quite a bit of attention from guys when I was going out because of the way I look. I didn't know how to handle their advances & I think I had it in my head that most men were sleazeballs. I now know that's not the case. When I started going out with H2B he was a sweetheart as always & happy to wait for me. I was 21 when we first DTD. Some days I just look at how gorgeous he is & wonder how I resisted for so long! >:o)
Rogue User Posts: 6101
I think the reason marriage is more likely to last in relationships where the couple wait is because they are more likely to be conservative and religious couples. Therefore if their marriage goes to $hit they are more likely to put up with it than walk away. I have seen it in old couples, miserable in their marriages but staying married because divorce is considered immoral and breaking their vows a mortal sin. If people want to make this decision then fine but don't judge others for choosing differently. I found some of the comments patronising and offensive. Because my OH has had other sexual partners he is more likely to stray - Bull$hit!
PussyGalore Posts: 3388
[quote="islandlil":3lklus0j]it is an interesting piece which i read as soon as I saw it online out of interest but i found it very one sided tbh-I know it was trying to show the 'side' of those who waited, and each to their own and glad it worked for them BUT I found some of their statements quite patronising and a bit annoying as if anyone who doesn't wait is a bit of a whore and doomed to have their marriage not work out and they said their thoughts as 'fact' as opposed to their opinion or experience`! Yeah i do think some people rush into things, become sexually active too young, etc but I certainly wouldn't claim that I'd be superior for doing things differently or that meant they wouldn't respect their partner and maybe would cheat etc -and not saying the article said that, just my own thoughts! Also got bit annoyed though prob shouldn't have at the bit about seeing marriage and having kids as the same thing-it's not in my opinion and many others!!! Plenty get married and choose not to have kids and plenty have kids and don't marry.[/quote:3lklus0j] Absolutely agree with you there. The attitude was a bit holier than thou to me and I think it's very narrowminded to suggest that marriage and babies go hand in hand. I'm very glad I've had the sexual experiences that I've had, it makes me feel confident in bed with H2B and bloody hell, if I'd waited till my mid-30s to have sex I'd have needed a Dyson to blow the cobwebs off first :o0
whoop whoop Posts: 1616
[quote="BrideOfRecession":2ptjke97]I think the reason marriage is more likely to last in relationships where the couple wait is because they are more likely to be conservative and religious couples. Therefore if their marriage goes to $hit they are more likely to put up with it than walk away. I have seen it in old couples, miserable in their marriages but staying married because divorce is considered immoral and breaking their vows a mortal sin. If people want to make this decision then fine but don't judge others for choosing differently. I found some of the comments patronising and offensive. Because my OH has had other sexual partners he is more likely to stray - Bull$hit![/quote:2ptjke97] 100% agree with this. I don't think it was a coincidence that both these couples were religious, even though they tried to give vague wishy-washy non-religious reasons for waiting. Didn't fool me, it's a religion thing!! As I was reading it, I did make me wonder if there are any non-religious couples out there who wait, and if so, why? I've heard lots of non-religious arguments for waiting, but these arguments always come from very strictly religious people (and never really make sense to me), so I always guessed that the reasons are actually religious, but they try to put it another way to try and sell the benefits to non-religious folk. So I would be interested to hear if there is ANY non-religious person who decided to wait...